Are situationships the new relationships?

And another one bites the dust | Oh why can I not conquer love | And I wanted it, I wanted it bad | But there were so many red flags | Now another one bites the dustBDE_ks02

I love your music Sia, but that I have to break up with you. I’ll also be changing my ringtone. This can no longer be the soundtrack to my life. I don’t want to have an elastic heart anymore…

The game has changed. I’m sure if I had maintained a constant presence, I wouldn’t feel it this acutely. It’s like that time when I started watching Game of Thrones and had 4 seasons to catch up on (I was a late adopter who’s since reformed). I’ve been hibernating for a while so dating feels like getting hit by plot twists every 45 minutes, then being left without answers to life’s most important questions for a few months.  Is Jon Snow alive? Where is Khaleesi? Is it a date of you don’t leave the house? Does calling me bae mean I’m your girlfriend? Etcetera etcetera…

So here I am, navigating this cesspool with an outdated playbook. I’ve read the literature. I took to dating like a Masters student to a research thesis. He’s just not that into you; It’s just a f***ing date; It’s called a breakup coz it’s broken; Maybe he’s just an a**hole; He texted; Act like a man, think like a woman; Why men love bitches. Yup. Read em all. Some were surprisingly good reads, but here I am still feeling my way in the dark. Don’t get me wrong, there was a moment there when I thought I was winning. When asked how many post-apocalyptic relationships I had, I would quite confidently say two… but that was before my software was updated, and a new term “situationship” was uploaded.

download-6Dammit! And just as swiftly as Ned Stark lost his head, so too did I lose my relationship tally (who keeps score anyway?!).

My playbook is still clearly circa 2003 when there were fewer shades of grey. In truth, I don’t care to update it too much – I like being cautiously optimistic. Much like an orchid, I thrive with a little structure. This new age “awkward meandering through something that feels like something that leads to sex that may or may not be something that continues for a time until one party wants to make it an official something” isn’t for me. Tried it. I like my sanity, thanks.

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I know somewhere in this world there is another unicorn holding out for the something meaningful. But whilst I continue to walk around all doe-eyed and optimistic like Bambi, I’ll be working on improving my radar to better detect situationship-bringing-a**holes. From a distance. A long one.

And so I’ve learnt: no, it’s not a date if we don’t leave the house. That worked in Varsity when there was limited pocket money so a great night in was pizza, box wine and a bootleg movie. And the only time being called bae means anything is if it’s put on your social media timeline. More than once. With your face tagged.

Oh well, you live and learn. Aluta continua!

I’ve also changed my ringtone to something more fitting

…all eyes on me when I walk in, no question that this girl’s a ten, don’t hate me coz I’m beautiful …. now do the pretty girl rock rock rock…

The misadventures of a yummy mummy

startwiththewhy

Start with the why. Simon Sinek was on to something really profound there. It’s also a really good Ted talk, if you’re interested. This is my first in a series of blog posts in which I will be chronicling journey towards an even more awesome version of myself. Why? Well, something idillionaire said recently really resonated with me, and made me think about my journey so far; “I don’t have it all together but I’m working on me. I want to remain in a constant state of improvement. That’s my idea of the perfect journey”

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Also, this decision to blog is one of those things that ‘seemed like a good idea at the time’, triggered by the observation by a friend that my hair makes me look like a writer. Compliment? I don’t know. But it made a light bulb, albeit a dim one, go off. Now normally, these off the cuff decisions tend to be failures of epic proportions, but if I think back on it, most of the best things in my life have come about as a result of decisions made because of whimsy. Prime example: deciding to do my masters. Whilst the rest of my class mates had some really awesome career path that would be enhanced by a masters, I kinda just felt like it one day and registered. Cue awesome career things!

Also, getting married. Yes, yes, that should be a MAJOR decision based on love, mutual respect and blah blah fish paste (that was mostly there at the time), but in truth getting married seemed like a good idea at the time. Now, having been through the longest divorce process known to mankind, I’m of the somewhat humbling view that it was one of the best things that happened to me …>pauses for the shock and horror gasps and “how dare she… [Insert judgement here]”<. But it was. I’ll tell you why

  • I have the most awesome strong-willed and also cantankerous daughter, who right now is 5 going on 60
  • I’ve never been happier because all that f***ed up introspection that comes along with being an introvert going through a divorce (whilst also balancing a Masters degree, a management consulting job and mothering a toddler) has resulted in me knowing who I am, what I like and deciding to live a more authentic life
  • I’m can do whatever I like (barring the periods when I have to work, and be a mom). No more, ‘husband, can I? Yay for a permission free life!
  • I’ve shed a hellava lot of baggage with the divorce, so I’m (for the most part) a happy lady, whose chi is aligned. I’ve also managed to do great things with my career since, discover a love for travelling and become a fitness freak
  • I’ve embraced my so-called shortcomings, and now, I DON’T CURRRR. Take me as I am, or f**k off

I’ve lived and have the scars to show. Some of my war stories are funny as hell, others are downright heart-breaking. But this isn’t one of those deep and meaningful blogs, in fact, it might likely read like the poor second cousin of Bridget Jones online diary. I don’t have it all together all the time, neither do I have all the answers. This is a chronicle of my adventures and misadventures as I navigate through the life of a 30-something femme who is also a yummy mummy and a career consultant.